


Of hidden memories

by CourtesyCall



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Angst, But kinda cute anyway, Child Abuse, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter Friendship, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Ginny Weasley Bashing, Good Bellatrix Black Lestrange, Good Death Eaters, Good Draco Malfoy, Good Voldemort (Harry Potter), Hermione Granger Bashing, M/M, Molly Weasley Bashing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prostitution, Protective Slytherins, Rape/Non-con Elements, Ron Weasley Bashing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:46:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29525922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourtesyCall/pseuds/CourtesyCall
Summary: There is an attack at the Burrow by Death Eaters, just before Harry starts his sixth year at Hogwarts.Two worlds the boy had carefully kept away crash together.Will Harry remain standing after everything he hid, even from himself, comes to light? Or will he drown into the flow of painful memories?This features really dark themes and underage relationship with an adult, both non-con and con. If that makes you uncomfortable, don't read.
Relationships: Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Rodolphus Lestrange, Fleur Delacour/Remus Lupin, Harry Potter/Evan Rosier, Tom Riddle/Severus Snape
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47





	1. Do they know?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> I know Evan Rosier is supposed to dead, it'll explain why he's alive in the next chapter.
> 
> Warning: This story is dark and features triggering themes. Be careful, alright?
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, all credits go to J.K. Rowling.

Death Eaters had attacked the Burrow. The information still couldn’t register in Harry’s brain. As soon as he heard the apparition and spells, he had run out of the house, his friends hot on his tail. So here they were, Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione facing Bellatrix Lestrange and a couple of other Death Eaters. Molly, Arthur, Bill, Fleur and Remus were all standing close to the teens, wands in hand. There was a fleeting moment where no one shot spells and the man Harry was facing, who seemed a bit too familiar, smirked at the teen. His bright hazel eyes never leaving the boy, he gestured towards the others present.

\- Tell me, pretty, do they know?

Bewildered by the term of endearment who rang all sorts of alerts in his head, Harry gripped his wand tighter and assessed his enemy. At first, he was more concerned by Bellatrix, but Remus had her in his spell target, so the boy took in the large man. Not that he was fat, on the contrary. He was huge, but pure fucking muscles. He was at least a head and a half taller than Harry and twice as large. He looked to be in his late thirties, but there was something in his eyes that told about experience. Everything in his stance screamed of a dangerous predator, but the green-eyed brunette couldn’t shake the feeling of familiarity. He frowned at the man.

\- Do they know what? he bit out.

He didn’t want to talk. They had attacked his family; they wouldn’t get away with it. Not after what happened with Sirius. He was ready to murder everyone who has much looked the wrong way at the people he loved. The Death Eater laughed, surprising even his fellow attackers. Obviously, that little chit-chat wasn’t planned. Mirthful eyes stared at the boy.

\- Took that many cocks this summer, bitch?

Harry immediately blanched, barely registering the snarl Remus let out, Moony so close to the surface. Memories flooded his mind at light speed and he felt like throwing up. Of course, the man was familiar! He was at the club many times this summer! He had paid for alone time with Harry on multiple occasions. The boy’s stomach revulsed at the thought that he had been relieved to see that bastard. He hadn’t hurt him that much, well not at all compared to what he suffered normally so he preferred that man to the others. To say that all along he was a Death Eater! More terrifying than anything else, Harry’s muggle secrets had just clashed with his wizarding life, something he never wanted to happen. 

\- Ah, there, you remember, I see, chuckled the man.

He almost lost his grip on his wand at that and took a couple of steps back until he collided gently against Fleur’s side. She didn’t know of his secrets, but he always felt safer around the quarter Veela. Probably because the way people lusted after her unconsciously reminded him of how men watched him when he was forced to dance. 

\- This is not a matter to be discussed, Sneered the young boy. You shouldn’t talk about what you know nothing about.

\- Nothing? Repeated the dark-haired wizard, playing with his wand as if bored. Give me some credit, there. Not even a month ago I was balls deep into that pretty little arse of yours. 

Many gasps resounded in the clearing, even on the side of the Death Eaters. They clearly didn’t know about that. But at that moment, Harry couldn’t care less. He was angry, so angry. He had barely registered that he was moving that he had his wand jutted against the man's carotid as he screamed:

\- Credit? You want me to give you some credit?! You took advantage of a boy who was repeatedly raped and trained to be a good bitch since he was five for your own satisfaction! I’m a whore, happy now? The world can know that Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, is a nothing more than a slut who likes to take it up the arse! Or do you want to share the filthy details?

Breathing heavily at the end of his outburst, he realized that everything had gone eerily quiet around him. Every set of eyes were on him, battle long forgotten. He was pretty sure that the man he was currently flush against had gone into shock if his empty expression was anything to go by. Oh Merlin, what did he do? How could he say that? Now, everyone knew his secret, enemies, and friends. Shaking like a leaf, he backed down before falling to the ground, curling onto himself. He didn’t care about dying, he would welcome the sweet relief of the shame and guilt he was feeling with pleasure. But, of course, he couldn’t even get that. He was suddenly in the arms of a very angry and protective Bellatrix who was basically baring her teeth at everyone.

\- Approach him and I’ll tear you to pieces!

Yep, she was definitely pissed. Harry really tried to squash down the tingle of appreciation at the mama lion comportment from the madwoman, but that was in vain because it increased tenfold when she started to run her fingers in his hair. He had so little affection in his life. He was aware that he was touch starved, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. She cooed softly at him, wondering how completely fucked up you had to be to rape a child. Even she wasn’t that insane. In fact, she didn’t know anyone who was, and she spent her days surrounded by murderers. Even Greyback wasn’t that bad. Yes, he had that phase where he transformed many wizarding children, but he never abused them.

Remus was conflicted. A part of him wanted to rip Harry apart from the woman who had killed Sirius, but another part couldn’t ignore how defensive she was of him. He may not be a Slytherin, but he would do anything to stop his cub from hurting anymore and it was easy to see that to get to Harry one would need to get through Bellatrix, even the Dark Lord. He knew the teen was fighting to stop himself from giving in into the comfort offered even if he needed it more than anything. The werewolf sighed. He couldn’t ask Harry to be someone who was dead. He couldn’t ask of him to be James. Or Lily. Or Sirius.

Fleur considered that boy who she thought to be the bravest wizard she ever met with unshed tears. Harry was always so kind, she couldn’t understand how it was possible with a past like that. She wouldn’t have been surprised, nor would she have been upset if he turned dark. Merlin knows he deserved better in this life. At least, now, she understood why he usually sought comfort from her. He probably identified himself to her even though she never suffered as much. 

Evan Rosier, for that was the name of the man who had taunted Harry, stared into nothing, trying to reconcile what he had just learned with what he knew of the boy. He assumed he danced in that club as an act of teenage rebellion, not that he was forced to do it! He would never have touched him if he had known. Morgana, he would have helped him escape if he had known. Screw the orders. Not even the Dark Lord would leave a child in that situation. The Death Eater had to swallow back the bile that rose in his throat as the ramifications of what he learned finally made sense. He was no better than a filthy muggle. He had taken advantage of a child, had raped him and, then, had taunted him with it. He was the monster the light side always portrayed him to be. 

Nobody was ready though for the tantrum that threw Harry Potter’s supposed best friends. The bushy haired Muggleborn crossed her arms on her chest with a huff as she stared down at the boy. Frankly, she was tired to get him out of the situations he put himself in. He was a good for nothing and she couldn’t wait until he was killed by the Dark Lord. She knew it was in the grand plan of Dumbledore.

\- Harry, you know better than to lie to avoid the responsibilities of your actions! You never were raped! 

The red-haired boy glared at his best friend as he was once again the center of attention. Then, his expression morphed into one of disgust as an information finally reached his brain. Admittedly, that took some time.

\- You’re a poof?! That’s so gross! I would kill myself if I were you.

The female Weaslette decided to pinch in, even though Harry was already flinching at each word.

\- You can’t be gay! You love me! I’m going to be Lady Potter and I’ll be rich, and I won’t ever have to work.

\- Ginny, intervened her mother. I’m sure it’s only a misunderstanding. Of course, Harry and you will get married.

Harry couldn’t help but snort at that, still hiding in Bellatrix embrace. He may be a bit messed up because of the abuse he lived through, but he was fairly certain he is gay. In any case, he would never marry Ginny. She’s too much of a fan girl for him. He hadn’t expected one of the death eaters, Travers, his brain supplied, cocking his head to the side like a puppy and asking him:

\- Can I kill the blood traitors and the mudblood? 

Rationally, he knew that he should say no, but, for a second, he entertained the thought of saying yes. Obviously, it wasn’t a second too much because the Weasley and Hermione started screaming at him. But their rant was cut short with the sound of a dozen of people apparating on the other side of the house. The Order, probably. Remus watched his cub, trying to make up a decision, but Fleur beat him to it. She turned a slightly panicked gaze to Bellatrix.

\- Take him away. They’ll force him back if you don’t. 

Harry’s green eyes peered at her curiously and she offered him a sad smile before turning to the werewolf who could only nod his consent. He didn’t want his cub on the dark side, but if it was the only way for him to be safe, then so be it. He saw the moment the teen understood because silent tears trailed down his cheeks. Then, a mere blink later, he wasn’t there anymore. The Death Eaters had disapparated, leaving nothing to show their presence. 

Thousand of kilometers from there, in a castle hidden in the heart of a forest, Rodolphus Lestrange was listening to the Dark Lord with one ear, wondering on his wife whereabouts. The rumors concerning their relationship were mostly fabricated as they loved each other very dearly. They simply weren’t keen on showing their affection in public and their lack of child could be explained by the curse sent by Alice Longbottom on Bella. He sneered internally at the thought of the woman but jumped out of his skin at the sound of his wife screaming in the Hall. Immediately, he ran out of the room to find her, the Dark Lord hot on his tail. You could say whatever you wanted about Tom Riddle, but he did care about Bellatrix Lestrange, his sister at heart. 

In the Hall, Evan Rosier was getting a verbal lashing for what he did that night, lashing that he accepted with a bowed head. In all honesty, if Bellatrix weren’t holding a trembling and silently sobbing Harry she would have crucioed the man out of his mind. She despised people who hurt magical children. She knew that he didn’t really do anything, but she couldn’t track down the muggles, so she would pass her anger on her fellow death eater. She didn’t even register her husband, the Dark Lord and many close family members entering the room.

\- Is that Harry Potter? You captured the brat? Exclaimed said Dark Lord.

He obviously didn’t expect the instinctive reaction of Rosier who sent him into the wall with an overpowered stunner. It took an entire minute for him to realize who he had just attacked and cringe slightly under the burning crimson eyes. But he preferred enraged red to hurt emerald. 

\- My poor little darling, you’re safe now, shushed Bellatrix to the last Potter who snuggled even closer to her. 

She always had wanted children, so she felt extremely protective of them, no matter who they were. And damn her if anyone wanted to hurt her baby Harry. She will adopt him if need arise.

\- Bella, hand me the child, ordered impatiently Voldemort.

He didn’t understand what was going on and he didn’t like that. But he didn’t care. He finally had the Potter brat where he couldn’t escape, and he would kil…

\- No.

The Dark Lord slowly blinked at his sister and follower, even more confused when he watched Rosier stand by her side, slightly in front of the teen. His bewilderment grew even more when Travers and MacNair did the same, hands on their wand.

\- Bella? Asked Rodolphus, a bit lost. 

She smiled at him, still running her fingers in the untameable hair, who, now that she thought about it, were as curly as her own. 

\- It’s ok, Rodo. Little Harry is safe. Aren’t you, love?

\- I need to go home, sighed Harry, reluctant to get away from her.

The words barely registered in Evan’s brain that he roared:

\- YOU’RE NEVER GOING BACK THERE!

The brunette promptly burst into terrified tears, lost in some flashbacks, as Bellatrix yelled at Rosier. He didn’t want to upset the teen, but the idea of him going back in that club left him feeling sick. He just wanted to protect him. Surprisingly, it was Walden MacNair who stopped the argument by talking softly to Harry.

\- Hey, darling, where’s your home?

Harry hesitated a minute, not sure what to answer. He knew going back to Dursleys was out of the question and that reappearing to the Burrow wouldn’t be a good idea at the moment. He tried to think of which who would harbour him without telling Dumbledore, but apart from Luna, his mind came back blank, and Luna was out of the country for the moment he knew. Then, a flash of genius hit him, and he grinned sheepishly.

\- Sirius, of course.

Everyone stared at him, horrified. Evan was pretty sure his heart stopped beating for a second. Surely, he didn’t mean he would kill himself? Harry frowned, not understanding at first, then giggled, in a way too adorable for a sixteen years old boy.

\- No, silly, I meant Sirius’ home. It’s mine, now. It’ll be a bit empty, but I don’t care. 

\- Are you sure you’re going to be ok alone? Asked Evan, unable to stop himself.

It’s like a switch went off. The scared little boy disappeared in an instant, leaving the defiant Gryffindor in its place. Harry placated the death eater with a dark look while leaving Bellatrix embrace, ignoring her protest. He sneered at the older man in a way so reminiscent of the Dark Lord that Lucius Malefoy almost choked. 

\- I don’t need a rapist to take care of me. In fact, I don’t need anyone. 

Evan flinched at the justified accusation as Bellatrix frowned.

\- Harry, you’re upset, I know, but you’re tracked down by the light now.

The condescending smirk he offered in answer was truly chilling, even for Voldemort. He had never seen his enemy like that and realized that affronting him now might not be a good idea. He needed more information before making his move. In any case, considering that the boy is here and not trying to kill him, he might be able to bring him to the Dark Side.

\- I know how to protect myself. Never forget that by the age of eleven, I was a murderer. KREACHER! He yelled out.

Everyone felt as if they were hit by a stunner. A murderer? By age eleven? How did that happen? The house elf popped out in existence grumbling before freezing when he saw Bellatrix. He turned a hopeful gaze to his current master who shook his head silently and held out his hand. He knew that Kreacher would be happier with Bellatrix, but he still needed him for now. 

\- Let’s go home. Oh, wait, there’s no chicken nugget, right?

It took a few seconds for the old elf to figure out what his master meant, but as soon as he did, he felt a bit of weight lifted off his chest. Maybe there was hope for the Potter heir. He gripped his hand before answering.

\- No, Master. No one has entered the house.

With a last glance to his old mistress, he apparated away with his master Harry Potter. Maybe one day will come where the Black will be glorious once again. After the two left, a stunned silence fell on the Hall, only broken many moments later by Travers bursting out laughing.

\- That kid is such a Slytherin. 

When met with blank and incredulous looks, he explained further:

\- He knew you would never let him go easily. So, he used the rapist comment to make you upset, Rosier. You were so caught up in your guilt that you didn’t stop him. And he used the murder bit of information to surprise us so we would be stunned enough to let him go. Kreacher was just a surprise effect. I like him, really.

\- He’s sixteen, retorqued Rodolphus Lestrange disapprovingly.

\- Didn’t stop Evan from fucking him, spat MacNair with a dark glare for his friend who retreated even further on himself.

He knew it was wrong. At first, he couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw the Boy-Who-Lived pole dancing in a muggle club. Then, he was caught up in the pure sensuality that emanated from the boy. He thought that in his rebel phase he had taken a bad turn and wanted to taunt him a bit. So, he bought some alone time with Potter. The second he touched that smooth but scarred skin he forgot all about goading. He just wanted the teen. And he always seemed to like it too. If Evan had had as much as a suspicion Harry didn’t want it he would have stopped. For Merlin’s sake, he was sure he had understood he was a Death Eater. He didn’t exactly hide his Dark Mark when he took the boy. He had loved being involved with him and he was certain Harry liked it too. That’s why he grew angry when he didn’t recognize him when they attacked. He felt like he was nothing. Now, he realized that Potter had probably suppressed his own memory to keep the pain at bay.

He heard many horrified gasps around the room, notably from Narcissa Malefoy who suddenly held her teenage boy, Draco, much closer. Evan almost snorted at that. Malefoy Junior definitely wasn’t his type. And he wasn’t a pedophile who jumped every kid he met! He made a mistake! He already felt like a monster, they didn’t need to treat him like one. When he thought about a younger version of his Harry getting abused, he only felt sick and angry. He snarled and left the manor, knowing he would blow up if he stayed there any longer. In his mind, all he could see were green eyes. Glazed with lust, at first. Then, burning anger. Finally, and the most painful, that void of all emotion.


	2. Why we do not anger homicidal Dark Lords

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom gets angry, Severus gets angsty and Evan remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, this is not a pleasant story. It's very sad. Don't like, don't read. Warning: Torture, gore, mentions of sexual assault.

The Dark Lord Voldemort, also known as Tom Marvolo Riddle, scrutinized three of his most loyal followers with wariness as they settled in the drawing room. Also in attendance were the Lestrange brothers and Lucius Malfoy, though more for safety purpose than anything. He truly did not want to think that Bella, Walden, and Antoine would betray him, but the scene in the Hall was quite confusing. Normally, he would have requested Evan’s presence, but the man obviously needed some time to calm down and Tom quite enjoyed his manor in one piece. Bella seemed to be wringing her hands nervously, but not out of fear of him, because she met his gaze without hesitation.

\- Explanations. Now.

His freezing tone made them exchange anxious glance except for the only woman in his inner circle. Well, she had never seemed fazed by it before, anyway.

\- We attacked the Weasleys’ residence as planned, she declared clear and loud, every bit of the pureblood lady she was.

Bellatrix Lestrange was a mystery to most people, except the closest to her. It was so easy to let the world see the Black madness in her, even if it only really appeared when she was furious, and it made her enemy underestimate her greatly. She won more than one duel because of this.

\- They all tumbled out, accompanied by Harry, Lupin and the Delacour heiress. There was fighting until it came to a standstill. The loss would have been to big on either side if it didn’t stop. Evan got restless.

Tom swore in the privacy of his mind. He had known that Rosier wasn’t ready for this, but he was a stubborn man. Rodolphus placed a comforting hand on his wife’s shoulder when he saw her mask crumble and her looking down to her lap. Walden pursued for her, even if he seemed just as pained as she was.

\- He asked the boy if the others knew. From there it escalated quickly, and Potter revealed that he was sexually abused as a child and even forced into prostitution. Evan…used his services.

He winced as he said the last sentence, because there was no right way to say this. A part of him didn’t want to believe that Evan, someone he had known since they were mere children, would do this, but he was also aware that fourteen years had passed since they fought alongside each other. No one really knew what happened to him in between and no one was suicidal enough to ask. The Dark Lord watched him blankly, the words not registering in his brain for a very long time. He didn’t want to believe what he was told. But Bella’s reaction was enough for him to know that it was nothing but the truth. Rage like he rarely felt before seized him as he stood up abruptly, his hand twitching because of his desire to curse someone, and he glared at his followers.

\- Stay here.

Then, he left the room, striding down the halls, his magic pulsating violently around him. He was furious at the Light side for ignoring its hero’s plight, at Dumbledore the all-knowing fool, at Rosier for his despicable actions, but more than anything, he felt murderous towards the one who told him all about the spoilt prince Potter who apparently was none of that. He was going to kill them all. No, in fact, he was going the torture all the scum who dared to ever hurt a hair on Potter’s head, then kill them. He slammed the door of his personal office closed behind him and wasted no time to call the person in question. They were going to pay for their ignorance, if not their lies. The thought struck him with the force of the earlier stunner. What if the man had known and had voluntarily ignored it? With doubts and torture circling his mind, Tom didn’t think about it twice when the floo flared up to life. He grabbed his spy by the throat, not in the mood for magic, and slammed him in the wall. 

The dark eyes of Severus Snape widened against his will when he found himself choked by his Lord, a man he admired, even with the violent tendencies. They were rarely directed at him and never with the amount of rage etched on the now human traits of the face mere inches from his own. The crimson eyes burned with the heath of Fyendfire and Severus briefly wondered if the older man had a similar look in bed before slapping himself internally for such a thought. Not the moment! 

\- Spoilt! You told me he was pampered! Treated like royalty! Hissed Tom, almost slipping in Parseltongue.

The usual quick mind of the potion master refused to make sense of the words, but that may have been from the lack of oxygen.

\- My… Lo-Lord, he choked out.

To say that Tom felt murderous was the understatement of the century. He had thought Potter to be a brat with people obeying to his every whim, but the boy had been through Hell with no one to protect him. No matter what had happened, he would be the one to protect him for now on. Even if that meant killing his favorite Death Eater, a man whose presence he actually enjoyed. Maybe he should give him the air to explain himself? Snape felt on the verge of blacking out, but he did not try to fight. He knew that it would only make the punishment more painful. Was that how he died? He pondered internally. But no, the hand released him slowly, even if the Dark Lord did not step back.

\- You have one minute to convince me you didn’t know anything about Potter’s abuse, or I will kill you with my bare hands, Severus.

The dour man stared at him blankly for a few seconds before horror filled him. It wasn’t possible. Dumbledore had told him all about how safe, revered and spoilt the Boy-Who-Lived was. And the boy was always so prompt to talk back, never showing an ounce of fear. Even through his vehement denial, Severus knew that his Lord would never lie about something like that. But how did he miss the signs? Then again, maybe he didn’t want to see them, because this was the Potter brat and the boy who took out his master. The ramifications of his mistakes and bias finally hit him, and Severus instinctively reached out for something to grab as his knees buckled out under him. He should have known better than to listen to Dumbledore and McGonagall. Surprisingly, the Dark Lord did not let him fall to the ground, crushed under the weight of what he had done. He held him.

And, for the first time since he found the lifeless body of his best friend, Severus Snape wept. He had failed Potter just like Dumbledore and Slughorn had failed him, hiding behind a pitiful grudge. He was a bully, just like those he hated and resented his whole life, and a child lost his childhood because of him. It had been staring him in the face since the beginning. Never going home for Christmas, never any letters, no mention of family, threadbare clothes… He had seen what he wanted to see because he was a coward. Lily was probably rolling in her grave at the treatment of her son. A barely sixteen years old who could give the whole wizarding world a lesson of resilience and moral strength. 

Tom sighed internally as he held his crying Death Eater. He really needed to control his impulses. Abuse and Potter had always have been sensitive subject for Severus, understandingly so. He should not have attacked him. In any case, it’s hypocritical from him. He saw what Dumbledore wanted him to see, even when he went through the teen’s mind. If someone should have realized there was something wrong with him, it was himself. 

\- I apologize for my outburst. None of this is your fault.

His heart, which he thought to be inexistent an hour ago, broke a little when his spy stepped back, agonizing guilt written in his eyes. His occlumency shields had obviously been shattered by the revelation.

\- But it is, whispered the man, tears running down his cheeks. I should have…

\- So should I have, Tom interrupted him while materializing a simple handkerchief. 

Severus knew better than to argue, even if he really wanted to. It felt like it was all his fault. Breathing deeply, he dried his tears, before reconstructing his most shallow occlumency shields, to hide his shame. He just broke down in front of the Dark Lord, for Merlin’s Sake. You couldn’t get much lower. 

\- How bad is it? He asked, before clearing his throat, his voice still rough with tears.

Voldemort pressed his shoulder, a terrifyingly sad look in his eyes.

\- Child prostitution.

When the Dark Lord returned in the drawing room with a still slightly distressed looking Severus Snape, no one said anything. They all had guess what would happen when the furious man had left. In the mean time, they all had tried to digest the news. Lucius more so than the others. He had almost killed a poor abused orphan because he was blinded by his prejudice and saw an arrogant brat. 

\- My Lord?

They all turned towards the younger Lestrange brother, surprised. Since Azkaban, the man was very closed up. Not that anyone blamed him. Tom nodded, allowing him to continue.

\- May I go speak to Evan?

His first reaction was to refuse, and Rodolphus would have agreed with him in a heartbeat. He was very protective of his sibling, with reason, too. While the oldest of brothers looked like he would be able to snap you in two without a sweat, Rabastan was… pretty, for lack of better words. He was deadly with a wand, but very vulnerable physically and breathtakingly beautiful, like his mother had been. This caused the human guards of Azkaban to take special interest in him. Meaning he was the very last person they would want near a potential rapist. But Tom saw the determination in the soft blue eyes.

\- Very well, he sighed, ignoring the tensing in everyone else.

Rabastan left the room without a glance behind. He knew why they wanted to protect him, but he had a wand, and he knew Evan more than most. He couldn’t believe that his friend would commit the same horrors the guards did to him in Azkaban. Following his instincts, he exited the manor, taking the direction of the tree line. And just like he had thought, he found Evan sitting with his back against the trunk of a weeping willow, hidden from view. The pale hazel eyes of the man seemed to stare into the space, as he was obviously lost in his own mind. As to not startle him, Rabastan carefully made noise as he approached. The other Death Eater didn’t look at him, but a mirthless smile tugged at his lips.

\- I’m surprised they are letting you come anywhere near me.

The smaller man shrugged carelessly as he slid to the ground next to his friend. They stayed silent for a long moment, listening to the rustle of the leaves and the birds’ chirping. Rabastan didn’t want to push for answers, no matter how much he wanted them. Evan always had been secretive, but now more so than ever. He didn’t interact with others, since the breakout, staying at safety distance. The only person who he actually said more than two words to was the Dark Lord, but, then again, it’s not like he had a choice. You don’t ignore the Dark Lord. 

Evan remembered this past few months with a tight throat. He had always been selfish and borderline cruel, but never like that. He didn’t hurt children, no one on their side would do it and risk Voldemort’s wrath, and he certainly didn’t take unwilling partners. How could he not realize what the shabby club really was? Of course, Harry never actually told him no, he even reached out to him, but he still should have seen the truth. More terrifying than the rest, he can’t help but wonder if he knew and just ignored it. Had he become the monster people saw in him?

\- I didn’t want to hurt him, he finally sighed, thoughts of Harry’s broken voice tormenting him.

Rabastan nodded.

\- I know.

The four years older man turned to him with a raised eyebrow, as if not knowing if he could believe him. The youngest Lestrange smiled a little at him, before asking softly:

\- Why did you do it, then?

Evan didn’t answer right away. He looked away, his guilt and pain obvious in the way his shoulders slumped. He knew he shouldn’t have done what he did, it was wrong in every meaning of the word, but he couldn’t stop himself. He just didn’t know how to make others understand. Or even if it was possible. He was just so fucked up.

\- Thirteen years, he said, with a sad laugh. He kept and tortured me for thirteen years. After everything, Harry felt like coming home.

Rabastan was confused, so he cocked his head to the side, in a way that usually reminded people of a small puppy.

\- Who kept you?

\- Alastor Moody.  
Evan spat the name with as much venom as he could. The mad auror had made everyone think he was dead and kept him in his basement for thirteen years. That’s also why the man was so paranoid. He didn’t want people to learn about the Death Eater he tortured behind the privacy of silencing wards. Sometimes, he didn’t even try to get information out of him. He just used him as his personal dummy. Evan had spent more than a decade in a hell that made Azkaban look like fucking vacation, not that he would tell Rabastan that. He kept what happened to him carefully secret, out of shame. Only the Dark Lord and Barty, who found him when he impersonated Moody, knew the truth. Though now that Barty was dead, it only left the Dark Lord. 

Rabastan felt as if someone just punched him in the face. Most of them had assumed Evan had gone in hiding. But all of this time, he was a prisoner to the hands of a madman. No wonder he was always so twitchy and closed off. But he still didn’t understand the link with Potter. He told Evan so, prompting a fond chuckle out of him.

\- Harry is a special kind of perfect. He will look at you and make you feel like you’re on top of the world, without even saying anything. 

The Death Eater looked at his friend in surprise. Evan had never been the mushy type of person. Maybe the boy was special, if he could make cold hearted Evan Rosier sound like an enamoured Hufflepuff. The soft emotion slid off his face as quickly as it had appeared, replaced with frustration and sadness.

\- I didn’t know. I thought he was rebelling, being an imprudent little Gryffindor. 

Relief flooded Rabastan’s chest. He had not wanted to think his friend capable of hurting someone in that despicable way, but he still wanted to hear it. Evan had not known that Potter was forced. And after thirteen years in captivity, his social aptitudes must have been lower than the Slytherin dungeons. Not that it was an excuse, but it explained why he so easily misread the situation. 

\- Maybe you should tell him? He suggested hesitantly.

It might not change anything, but it might change everything at the same time. Evan frowned.

\- How? It’s not like I can show up at Black’s house, he snarked.

He flinched when Rabastan cuffed him lightly on the back of his head. He knew that the other would never hurt purposefully, but his scars were still a long way from healed.

\- I don’t know, maybe you could write him a letter, replied the blond man, stating the obvious.

Evan almost slapped himself. How could he be so stupid sometimes. He actually forgot about mail. Maybe he could do that. He could write a letter to Harry and explain everything, the secrets he didn’t even reveal to the Dark Lord. And maybe… Maybe he could ask for forgiveness. He didn’t deserve it, he knew that much, but he could try, at least. Yes, that’s what he would do. As he mulled over the content of the letter he would send, Rabastan’s thoughts took an entirely different direction.  
He thought about the war and the pain it caused. He thought about the crimes committed by the Azkaban guards, about the anguished screaming when the dementors came near, about what Evan must have gone through, about Potter’s abuse, and all the lives lost, on all sides. He wondered if it was really worth it. Before he could think of the consequences, he pondered aloud:

\- Do you think we should have ignored it all?

Then, he winced inwardly. If the Dark Lord learned of his doubts, he would be in a very tight place. Evan peered at him curiously, a silent question written in his eyes. Rabastan sighed. He might as well say it all.

\- If we hadn’t opposed to Dumbledore and the Ministry, none of this would have happened, he explained. Maybe we should just have ignored the disappearance of the wizarding traditions.

Because that’s all this war was about. Dumbledore kept pushing for the inclusion of muggleborns and muggles in the magical society, tossing the magical traditions away. Already, they didn’t celebrate the old holidays, or only in very private circles, because they had been rendered illegal. Magic was arbitrarily categorized between Dark and Light when such things did not exist. Magic was magic. Creatures were losing their rights with every minute passing. The Dark side had originally been a political movement, but Dumbledore kept attacking and silencing them, so things had turned into a full blown war. The Dark Lord had lost his sanity on the way, maybe because of the increasing frustration of being ignored. You can’t ignore people when they are threatening your family, can you?

Evan reflected on his friend’s words. A part of him would always be ready to fight to death for his cause. He knew they were right, even if their methods slipped in integrity during the war. But another part of him was reminded of the violent torture he went through every day for thirteen years. Though, he would still do it if it meant winning the war. Then, he remembered Harry’s heartbreaking sobs and he answered so softly that Rabastan almost didn’t hear him.

\- Maybe.


	3. Letters part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella's and Tom's letters to Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter and it comes quite late, I know. I've had a lot of work to get done and I prioritized my other fic over this one, but I'm back on track. Tell me what you think in the comments, please!

Harry sat in Grimmauld Place’s kitchen and stared at the four letters he was delivered more than an hour ago. It’s been two days since the night his world crumbled to pieces. He had spent most of that time lost in memories, those he had kept carefully at the back of his mind, not eating, and barely sleeping. The nightmares had been the worst. The images his broken mind had conjured would always haunt him. The creepy atmosphere and the bittersweet memories engraved in those walls were definitely not helping his mental state, but he didn’t have anywhere else to go. This morning, he had found a tawny owl waiting for him, holding a stack of letters in its claws. The first on top had been from Bellatrix Lestrange, the second from Voldemort, the third from Snape and the last from an Evan Rosier, which he guessed to be the man responsible for this whole mess. The problem, now, was that he couldn’t bring himself to open and read them. He felt that it would be like opening Pandora’s box and he wasn’t sure if he could take much more. He was already past his breaking point. With a sigh, he opened Bellatrix’s letter.

_My little lion cub,_

_I hope you are safe and alright. Though, considering everything, that may be wishful thinking. I know you’re afraid, and hurt, but please don’t shut us out. We just want to help you. I’m so sorry for all you went through, even more for the part I’m responsible for. I won’t apologize for killing Sirius, because I would not be sincere, but I never wished to cause you grief. The Dark Side is not full of monsters like the Order told you. We’re human, with faults, and we make mistakes. Please, bear that in mind._

_I’m not the sanest person there is, I’ll admit it. It’s the Black Family curse. Even Andromeda, nice light witch as she is, is affected by it. I embraced it a long time ago. But I am not mad and cruel. It’s merely a mask. I believe you are acquainted with those. You probably wonder about the crimes I was accused of. During the first war, a lot of murders and torture was done and blamed on us, even though we had nothing to do with it. Some of it was Light propaganda, the rest was the imagination of the idiots writing the Prophet. Not to deny that I have killed, but war is war, sweetheart. We all do terrible things._

_The one crime I am most infamous for, I can’t bring myself to regret. I tortured Frank and Alice Longbottom into insanity, with Rodo, Basti and Barty’ s help. Maybe you think that is inexcusable but let me tell you the story that lead to that night. I was always very open in my standing in the war and, while the ministry couldn’t prove anything, it was common knowledge that Rodolphus and I were Death Eaters. We were happy, at the time, even through the battles. We had just gotten married, and we were going to have a baby. Alice Longbottom did not like that one bit. She, like many Order members, believed that the supporter of the Dark had no right to reproduce. So, she and her husband ambushed me and used a barren hex on me. I lost the baby, and I was told I will never be able to have children. The torture of the Longbottom had nothing to do with the war. It was personal revenge. As for young Neville, we were actually planning on bringing him up as our own._

_You can chose not to believe or forgive me, but, please, come to us if you ever need anything. You will always be welcome and safe here._

_Sincerely,_

_Bellatrix Lyra Lestrange,_

_Lady of the Noble and Ancient House of Lestrange._

On the back of parchment, there was another quickly scribbled note:

_Rodolphus doesn’t want me to write this, because it’ll freak you out, so I’m doing it in secret, but we would love nothing more than to adopt you and call you our son._

_Love._

Dazed, Harry walked to the hidden cabinet in the drawing room and came back to the kitchen with a bottle of Firewhiskey. If all the letters were like that, he would need it. In one short missive, his whole beliefs about the Dark had been shattered. Bellatrix Lestrange wasn’t a mad woman as much as she was a slightly broken human. Like him. Neville surely did not know the truth. His gran idolized her son, she would never tell him that story if it showed him in a bad light. Harry promised himself to talk to the blond boy about it. Merlin knows they both craved for a family that would love them, but thought they were unlovable. And now, someone wants to adopt them. Mind still reeling, he opened the Dark Lord’s letter.

_Dear Harry,_

_I apologize for the pain I caused you. In hindsight, I can see just how insane my drive to kill you was. I am the reason for everything you went through and, because of that, I will not ask for your forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. You have given your everything to the Light, to Dumbledore and they have betrayed you, let you down in the most horrific way. So, here, let me, and the Dark Side, give you something back:_

**_I, Tom Marvolo Riddle-Slytherin, swear on my life and magic to never purposefully hurt Harry James Potter, be it verbally, physically, or magically, unless to save my life. I swear to treat him as my equal, my protégé, and my followers, marked or unmarked, shall do the same or be punished. So mote it be._ **

After the reading the magical oath, Harry downed a glass of amber liquid with a bitter laugh. Seriously, what was his life? His enemy had basically sworn to protect him or die. Did he accidentally wake up in an alternate dimension? He shook his head to chase away the disturbing thoughts and continued reading.

_It may not mean much in comparison the pain I, we, caused you, but I sadly believe there is nothing that could truly amount to your loss. Please, know that if you decide to come back to Bella (she would love that), you will have everything you can dream of and so much more. Let us take care of you, Harry. Even if you don’t, the oath is still valid, and you will be under the Dark’s protection._

_I included a press article that might interest you in this letter. Let me assure you: It wasn’t quick. Bella, Evan, Rodolphus, Severus and Lucius were particularly vicious. I had no idea you could bend an arm at that angle, even with a broken bone…But I digress. The others are all safe and placed in good homes, don’t worry._

_Tom Marvolo Riddle-Slytherin,_

_Lord of the most Noble and Ancient House of Slytherin._

Harry, for the first time in years, laughed loudly. When his eyes stopped on the title of the muggle paper article, he felt free in a way he had never known before. **Building suspected of hiding a child prostitution circle burns down: 25 deaths and 36 children rescued.** It was over, it was all gone. The teen, head thrown back, guffawed until he had tear tracks on his cheek and cramps in his sides. It was the sound of relief, after a decade of suffering. Once he calmed down, he drank some more, he read the article more closely, vindictive pleasure settling in his stomach at the report of torture on those who had repeatedly beat and raped him. He didn’t consider himself cruel, but, after seeing just how sadistic those men and women could be, he felt like it was only justice that they suffer at least half as much as the children they hurt. His heart went to the others victims of those monsters and he prayed that what Volde…, no, Tom had said was true and they were safe. If someone deserved it, it was them.

He reread the man’s letter, his mind slowly grasping to the concept that he was wanted. Sure, it wasn’t by intrinsically good people, but he wasn’t sure those people existed anymore. Maybe everyone had a bit of evil and good in them. He knew he did and that it was a hassle to repress his more violent reactions. He didn’t want to torture, but he wanted people to pay for what they did to him. His so called friends and mentor, especially. The abuse he went through scarred him deep, but the rejection of the Weasleys and Hermione, his chosen family, the deception within Dumbledore’s grandfatherly act, the abandonment by the Wizarding World as a whole…It broke him. And he wasn’t sure if even all the glue and reparos of the world would be able to mend him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed and thanks for the kudos!
> 
> Love,   
> CC.


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